Challenging the patriarchy and systems of oppression. You underestimated my ability to heal.

You underestimated my ability to heal and rise above the BS.

I'm no longer keeping quiet, hiding or running away. I'm not longer appeasing you, pretending. I finally see through it.

The inner work I'm doing, and have been doing for a long time, is becoming more and more me - finding myself, my confidence, my voice - stepping fully into the world and letting myself be truly seen and heard for the individual that I am. Understanding my human design, my qualities, my trauma. Unpacking how the past is affecting the now. Understanding my purpose, understanding what works for me as a unique human being. Finding the feminine, flow...

And yet, constantly it seems, I am still met by patriarchal systems, outdated mindsets, expectations, closed views - that deny me the freedom if living these truths. And worse still - deflect, shame, guilt, confuse, mislead me to understand that I am in fact the problem.

I am finding so much resistance from the outside world in letting me truly be free. Boxes, categories, standardised procedures - that aren't happy to budge or be challenged - and play the victim when they are.

Perspective is lost. Respect is lost. And instead I am faced with an explosion of barriers that I am not sure how or why have appeared.

And its so easy to go back to believing - oh gosh, I have caused all these problems, I should just keep quiet, I should just keep the peace. Nervous, anxious, unsure, drained, confused. All so toxic. All so unfathomable.

When all I've shared is I think this could work better for me, actually this isn't clear, maybe we could try this, I don't agree.

Proportionally the response, the energy, the emotions, is mind-blowingly confusing.

I'm not demanding

I'm not attacking

It isn't personal

I haven't been rude

There's no anger

And yet somehow, it's made into all these things.

I have to keep reminding myself to check in with the true reality. To keep rising above the chaos.

I wasn't trying to change the world - although that's what it now feels like. Because maybe, actually, me trying to be me, challenging the systems, people - is actually changing the world one small step at a time. And maybe it's so uncomfortable, so unwelcome, so unexpected - because it is different.

In my naivety, I never expected any of this. I thought we were beyond this, more than this. And yet, what I find is that things that are preached, aren't necessarily practiced. Saying, doing, believing - are very different things.

Through it all I am led to check in with my values, my beliefs. And what I find is that systems, people, situations that are closed off, full of ego, not open to learning, change, honouring and respecting difference and honesty, to grow and adapt and improve - and actually try to shift blame and problems, making you doubt and question yourself - is toxic - and is completely out of alignment with my core beliefs and values.

I'm proud of my evolution and growth to arrive here. And I see why in the past I have circled round and round again in fear, uncertainty, lack of confidence, lack of self - by all these things that existed that try to maintain the oppression.

And now it feels like I have a new lense, new amour, new perspective, new love and support - which enables me to see it all very differently.

And guess what? I am not the problem. I do not need to change.

My new strength, my new wisdom, my new perspective is powerful - and it threatens these very systems and views - explaining why they seek to bring us down.

Here I am - faced with discomfort and challenge, yet feeling more myself, more empowered, more liberated than ever before. Because of the love and support around me. Because this is me.

In the past I've kept quiet. Or I've crumbled under the emotions and fear of finally speaking up - retreating, leaving, removing myself from the situation. Or got tied in knots, so depleted, so drained trying to prove myself and my worth in impossible situations.

But this time, I'm here, I'm showing up. I'm not backing down. I know what's real and true and reasonable. And I'm so grateful for all the people, love and work that's got me here - and that holds me strongly, reassuringly, lovingly here like a cushion, a backstop - empowering me and enabling me to take up space as I should.

Thank you.